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1/3/13

Fat Sex

WARNING: If you can't handle the heat, then stay out of the kitchen. Personally, I am not ashamed of my sexuality but if you know me offline and reading this would mean you can't look me in the the eye ever again, then for fuck's sake, don't read it. Also links are MNSFW.


I would like everybody to know that I have been having amazing fat sex because of an article I recently read. Like the neighbors might think we have been watching really hilarious movies all weekend. Alright, I laugh wildly instead of the whole scream out in pain thing. But, I had no idea that it could be this way because it isn't something anybody tells you! I decided to Google fat sexual positions and I am glad I did. Now I want to spread the joy to other fat women that might not know either.

Let me start off by telling you that I was a virgin (as far as the heterosexual definition goes) when I met the mister in high school. I had been around the bases but was saving myself. Feel free to barf when you hear this. As a good little Christian (I am atheist now), I wore my promise ring and told junior highers to save their orgasms for Jesus but I was really having awkward and uneducated sex. As our wedding day got closer, we were given The Act of Marriage to read. It was a worn out copy, tattered by generations of horny church-goers before us and featured a couple that looked almost as confused as me.

Luckily we were getting past the fumbling and un-lubricated part of our relationship so our honeymoon was all fireworks and post-coital ice cream. But we were only 19 and our bodies were different. So far, most of the maneuvers I learned from watching movies were working. Fast forward 10 years and we are still trying to do things the same way. I mean, we had a few new tricks but we only slightly modified our positions. It has never been an issue with clitoral stimulation but I felt like we weren't doing something right when it came to penetration and making me happy. When you have a fat belly and other fat tissue (labia, thighs, ass), even if your partner is thinner, it can come between you and a mind-blowing orgasm if you are trying to have sex like non-fat people.

I saw a commercial where the couple lost over a 100 pounds together and exclaimed that their sex life was great. Let me tell you, that is bullshit. You do not have to have a certain body shape or weight to have a great sex life. This information just needs to be readily available. I had to wade though a ton of backwards, misogynist crap to find actual instructions for how I should position my body. It was no wonder I had no clue! I won't speak for everyone, but I imagine this practical information would be beneficial for not just straight women. Fat vaginas and fat vagina lovers everywhere need to know!

For me, the modified missionary was the best. Hold the back of your knees (or have your partner hold them down) and pin them down as far as you can. You can alternate between bending your legs and having them straight up if your knees are sore. This is one you can do with your partner on their knees in front of you or you can scoot to the edge of the bed while your partner stands. Don’t skip the pillows. We also did a “dry run” and it was educational and funny and made us both really horny. I recommend it so you can see what you are able to do, what is comfortable and make modifications. Seriously, life changing. Do it.

If you don't hear from me for a few days, you will know why.
- Rachele
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